Life of a Hypersomniac Superhero

I have a gift. No matter at what time I retire for the day, I get up at 6 in the morning. Okay, if the previous night was very tiring and I slept real late, then the most you will see me on my bed is at 8, not later than that.

This power, like all REAL superheroes (read: Batman), wasn’t a trait I had since my birth, but an acquired skill, ability. The credit of course goes to my upbringing, fifteen years of following the same hard menial routine of sleeping at 10 and getting up at 6 has etched itself deeply into my biological clock (the one that keeps track of our sleep pattern, no other clock, perverts please!).

But unlike other heroes, I don’t use my powers for others as such, I am the selfish kind. And how does it help me? Well..

1. Aesthetic Value: I don’t have dark circles under my eyes, and I remain fresh, young, and pretty…always. I don’t age.

2. Saves Energy: I stay quiet when people around me are discussing TV shows they watch while I am sleeping or things which are trending. This helps me save energy which I store as fat.

3. No Girlfriend Issues: I sleep early by blaming it on my parents (can’t reveal my secrets yet, she is no Mary Jane) which means no late night chats. And we know how talking unnecessarily to our girlfriends can lead to arguments and all. So sleep early, prevent fights.

4. No Academic Pressure: Since a day only has 24 hours, and I have to sleep for 10 hours on an average, spend the rest of the time in college and while commuting, it’s okay if I find no time to study. And therefore it is okay to score less.

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Mom, Me and our Petty Issues

The reason why moms are hard to please is that they don’t care for things money can buy. My mother is not interested in the cake I can get her for her birthday from my pocket money (which of course comes from their pocket), or the bouquet I can buy for her to wish her a very Happy Mother’s Day.

She is a woman who is swayed easily by other people’s emotions. She worries herself with unnecessary issues and gets sad when people around her lie. She delivers dramatic dialogues, intensely, courtesy the stupid soaps all our Indian mothers are addicted to. But she means what she says, and that is unsettling.

Remember how I said my blog is also a thinking board for me, which I use when I feel the need to sit back and think. The last time I did this was way back (like centuries ago, seriously), but today is one of those days when certain things are giving me an ugly look again and demand urgent attention.

How do I make my mom happy? Maybe first I need to know what makes her happy.

That’s easy. What she wants is an obedient son who respects her and doesn’t talk to her in raised voices. She wants me to study, have a good time, and reach home before dark. She wants me to spend time with family and be a responsible big brother.

Breaking and simplifying gives us this:

1. Obedient? I am a normally obedient son already. Check

2. Talking back to her in loud voices. This I think I really need to do. Check

3. I can study, given that I have to perform well academically anyways. Check

4. Reach home on time. This one is difficult. Very difficult. If I do it, I will be ruining a lot of my friends’ plans, but will make mummy happy. I think friends worth keeping will understand. 6 P.M. is the limit for all future outings. Check

5. Spend time with family. If I come home early, it will automatically happen. Check

6. Be a responsible big brother. This one is too big an issue to be discussed in one bullet point. Later.

Will I be able to do it? Stupid question, what have I not achieved after setting my mind to it, except of course cracking IITJEE, losing weight, scoring well, attending classes…

On a serious note, She is not someone who gets happiness from flowers and chocolates, and maybe that’s why she has never paid heed to all this Mother’s day junk. And now as she sits in the other room, upset with me, I wish she did.

But then what fun if you get things done without a challenge, who wants to get bored! 😀