I have a gift. No matter at what time I retire for the day, I get up at 6 in the morning. Okay, if the previous night was very tiring and I slept real late, then the most you will see me on my bed is at 8, not later than that.
This power, like all REAL superheroes (read: Batman), wasn’t a trait I had since my birth, but an acquired skill, ability. The credit of course goes to my upbringing, fifteen years of following the same hard menial routine of sleeping at 10 and getting up at 6 has etched itself deeply into my biological clock (the one that keeps track of our sleep pattern, no other clock, perverts please!).
But unlike other heroes, I don’t use my powers for others as such, I am the selfish kind. And how does it help me? Well..
1. Aesthetic Value: I don’t have dark circles under my eyes, and I remain fresh, young, and pretty…always. I don’t age.
2. Saves Energy: I stay quiet when people around me are discussing TV shows they watch while I am sleeping or things which are trending. This helps me save energy which I store as fat.
3. No Girlfriend Issues: I sleep early by blaming it on my parents (can’t reveal my secrets yet, she is no Mary Jane) which means no late night chats. And we know how talking unnecessarily to our girlfriends can lead to arguments and all. So sleep early, prevent fights.
4. No Academic Pressure: Since a day only has 24 hours, and I have to sleep for 10 hours on an average, spend the rest of the time in college and while commuting, it’s okay if I find no time to study. And therefore it is okay to score less.
5. No Hobbies: You know how hobbies are such a waste of time? I don’t have them in my schedule. I feel so cool.
Yes I know it is very unfair how I have all the happiness in the world while you are up all night, but understand, with awesome powers come a lot of other awesome things.
P.S. – Here I feel the need to introduce a very innovative idea to all my billion readers. The idea is to mention “S” or “J” after our statements for times when one is being sarcastic or is joking, respectively. This idea was developed by my friends when they realized that some of them don’t get what the speaker is actually trying to convey. And as a result many of them started considering me as a narcissist because I used to always boast about how handsome I am, all in good humor. Afraid that my readers don’t feel the same, I unwillingly admit, this above post was an (S) all the way!